By all appearances, it was a typical bat mitzvah bash.
Friends and family turned out for the special day. Rebecca Reiner, the bat mitzvah girl, did a bang-up job on the makeshift bimah. The party afterward featured all the accouterments required by Jewish law: a DJ spinning “YMCA,” Hula Hoops, maracas and bowls filled with M&Ms.
But appearances can deceive.
The event, held Sunday, April 25, at the Mill Valley Golf Course clubhouse, was actually a gift from Reiner’s extended family at Brandeis Hillel Day School. When called upon, the community pulled together to make sure the 14-year-old had her moment to shine.
To say the last year has been a rough one for Reiner is putting it mildly. In the summer of 2003, her father, Rocky Reiner, with whom Rebecca had been living, died unexpectedly. With her mother (who is not Jewish) living in San Leandro and her school in San Rafael, Reiner had tough choices to make while coping with her grief. For the current school year, she ended up living with friends in Fairfax during the week and staying with her mother on weekends. It was an unenviable lifestyle.
The Brandeis Hillel community quickly mobilized to help her out.
“The kids were really concerned when her father died,” recalls Brandeis Hillel parent Barbara Garfein. “Losing her dad was enough of a crisis. Moving away would have been worse.”
Adds parent Susan Kornblatt Idell, “Henry Shreibman [Brandeis Hillel head of school] and I were having a conversation last fall. We thought it would be great if Rebecca could have a bat mitzvah. Henry said he’d be happy to work with her on some kind of service, and we parents told him we would organize the party.”
Everyone played a role. Reiner’s fellow students helped plan aspects of the party. Garfein headed a committee to prepare food. Shreibman, a rabbi, took Reiner under his wing and helped her prepare a d’var Torah, a speech and other prayers.
Says Shreibman: “The parent volunteers demonstrated the power of this community in finding time, energy and resources to create a bat mitzvah for a child who would never have had one. It was spontaneous and effusive.”
Everyone involved was quick to praise Reiner, who showed poise and pluck throughout her ordeal. “She’s a very mature girl,” says Idell. “Smart, spunky and funny. She has a lot of respect from other kids in the class.”
On the bimah, Reiner spoke eloquently of her father and his supportive ways. “My dad has been my inspiration through this entire journey,” she said. “If I didn’t have him as motivation, I wouldn’t be here right now.”
Grandmother Doris Reiner led the kvell-athon, saying that if Rebecca’s father were there, he would be saying, “That’s my kid. That’s my girl.”
Adds Schreibman, “You brighten a room with your presence.”
After the ceremony, the throng lined up for homemade lasagna and caesar salad. The limbo dancing was well under way when Reiner paused for a minute to reflect.
“It meant a lot to me,” says Reiner, whose earlier hopes for a bat mitzvah had been quashed by fate. “I haven’t always had a lot of people around to help me. But I do have people in my life to help me go on to being an adult.”
With that, she dashed off to be with her many friends. Her present from them: an iPod.
The party wound down early because the entire eighth grade was off to Washington, D.C., the following morning.
Back in the now-empty clubhouse, Gerald Barkan, former head of campus, beamed with pride. Not only for Reiner but for the entire Brandeis Hillel community.
“Rebecca was a soul about to be lost to the Jewish community,” he said. “But she was intellectually tough, and the community came together. It’s the best work a Jewish community can do.”