Feeling no shame, we boast of our sins and mortify others

Beresheet

Genesis 1:1-6:8

I Samuel 20:18-42

Beresheet, this week's Torah portion, comments on Eden's state of perfection: "The two of them were naked, the man and his wife, yet they felt no shame." (Genesis 2:25)

However, after eating the forbidden fruit from tree of knowledge of good and evil, "the eyes of both of them were opened and they perceived that they were naked." (Genesis 3:7)

In contrast to the text's portrayal that Adam and Eve's sin led to the recognition of shame, failure to acknowledge shame is no longer part of our modern ethos. The once-popular phrases "For shame," "Shame on you," "He should be ashamed" and "Has he no shame?" have fallen into disuse. Instead, today's kiss-and-tell-all television shows feature individuals who are neither embarrassed by nor feel shame about openly, even brazenly, talking about their sexual indiscretions and immoral, unseemly, imprudent, humiliating behaviors.

There is no end to the showcased deviant conduct as TV hosts compete for ever-more increasingly bizarre deeds to satisfy the voyeuristic, prurient interests of millions of willing television watchers. Such viewers watch people who publicly tease, bully and abuse spouses, children and friends without regard to personal shame. Some even appear to be proud that they have pushed the envelope of disgusting behavior in order to receive 15 minutes of fame, even if they had to portray themselves as the lowlife of our society. Sadly, for many of them, fame is more important than shame.

Jewish tradition does not champion superheroes and flawless characters. Many of our revered personalities demonstrated frailties, foibles and vulnerabilities that required acts of repentance and forgiveness rather than self-aggrandizement. These individuals teach us that shame should not be flaunted, but rather, that it is possible to acknowledge shame and thereby redeem our lives. To do so, shameful behavior must be changed, not championed.

The biblical account of David's illicit relationship with Bathsheba provides an example of such redemption. Upon learning that he was to be the father of Bathsheba's child, David arranged for the death of Bathsheba's husband, Uriah, by having him sent to the front battle lines. When the prophet Nathan rebuked David for this offense, David replied, "I have sinned against the Lord." (II Samuel 12:13) He accepted his punishment and repented. His misdeeds were made public, not to flaunt them, but instead to remain as an example for every generation to learn that repentance, forgiveness and redemption are always possible.

Just as feeling no shame is a sickness of our time, the sin of shaming another is an equally reprehensible transgression, illustrated by the rabbis who maintained that the Romans destroyed the Temple because one individual shamed another. In this talmudic account, a wealthy Jerusalemite sent all of his friends, including one named Kamtza, invitations to an elaborate party. However, the invitation intended for Kamtza was accidentally sent to an enemy of the host, a man with a similar name, Bar Kamtza.

Surprised to find Bar Kamtza, who had erroneously received an invitation, in his home, the wealthy host ordered him to leave. But Bar Kamtza pleaded, "Please do not shame me, I even will pay for my meal if you allow me to stay." When the host would not agree, Bar Kamtza then offered to pay for half and then the entire cost of the banquet.

"Under no circumstances," replied the host who ejected Bar Kamtza. Bar Kamtza's shame was so great that he sought revenge by telling the Roman procurator Vespasian, "The Jews are about to rebel against you." Believing his words to be true, the Roman official ordered the destruction of the Temple.

This legend suggests that the sin of

malbin panim — literally, humiliating someone so openly and thoroughly that the blood drains from his face — is comparable to murder. Nevertheless, even a sinner who committed a heinous crime was not to be robbed of his dignity through public humiliation, especially because such an act changes the focus of one's own shortcomings to those of other individuals. In an era when people flaunt their humiliating sins, students of the Torah would do well to learn that feeling no shame or shaming another is unacceptable behavior in any era.

Stephen Pearce is senior rabbi at the Reform Congregation Emanu-El in San Francisco.