Sarah and Abraham teach us to see aging as opportunity

Chaye Sarah

Genesis 23:1-25:18

I Kings 1:1-31

1 Samuel 20:18, 42

What is it that most people want to become but nobody wants to be? This paradox is no riddle, it is simply a reality of life. Everyone wants to reach old age but no one wants to be old. Consider our youth culture's search for fountain of youth nostrums and elixirs and the millions of StairMasters, Nordic tracks, elliptical trainers and contraptions employed to halt the inexorable march of time.

This tension takes on new urgency because growing old today is quite different from any other period, as evidenced by the sheer number of people at or beyond retirement age. The 65 to 74-age category is eight times larger than it was in 1900; the 75 to 84-population is 16 times larger; the 85 and up-population is 31 times larger. U.S. projections indicate that by the year 2030, there will be 70 million people over the age of 65.

Today, lives no longer conform to past expectations and patterns. Marriage, schooling, career, childbearing and rearing are more fluid than they ever were before. Instead of chronologically cataloging people, perhaps the retired set can be seen as a mixture of young-old, old-old, sick-old, well-old, well-off-old, etc.

Modern demographics of aging, as well as a close reading of Chaye Sarah, this week's Torah portion, bid a reader to pause and consider the prospect of aging and the personal hope that growing old will be gentle and graceful rather than severe and graceless.

The text, written at a time when growing old was the exception rather than the rule, reminds the reader that Sarah was 127 when she died (Genesis 23:1) while Abraham lived to be 175 (Genesis 25:7). Both Sarah and Abraham accomplished their most significant achievements in the last quadrant of their lives, well past the age that would be considered feasible today.

Abraham set out on his fateful journey, at God's command, at age 75 (Gen. 12:1). At age 90, God revealed Himself to Abraham and promised to make his descendents "exceedingly numerous" (Genesis 17:11). At age 99, Abraham was commanded to circumcise himself (Gen. 17:24). Although Sarah, at age 90, and Abraham, at age 100, were well past normal years of childbearing, nevertheless, Isaac was born (Gen. 21:3). Thus, for Sarah and Abraham, age provided no barrier to accomplishment. They launched themselves onto new pathways at a time when they might have been expected to retire to rocking chairs.

While there are those who think that growing old is but mind over matter, we can't disregard genes, nutrition and proper care, exercise and just plain luck. Nevertheless, an individual's attitude toward aging is important. Contrast the comment of one older woman who said, "I tried being old a couple of years ago and I hated it, so I am never going to do that again," with that of the 91-year-old who, standing by a grave at the end of an interment service said to me, "You know, rabbi, it hardly pays for me to go home." Attitude is, indeed, important. Some years ago, I visited a woman who was celebrating her 99th birthday. As I left, I cheerfully said, "I hope I will be able to come back next year to celebrate your 100th birthday with you."

"Why shouldn't you?" she asked. "You look fairly healthy to me."

Until the modern age, those who managed to grow old were anomalous; few people lived long enough to worry how to prevent leisure time, longed for when young, from becoming a burden. The approach of the Book of Proverbs to aging is presently finding increasing currency: "The gray-haired head is a crown of glory" (Proverbs 16:31).

As an extension of this notion, rabbinic tradition taught: "Ben arbayim l'vinah, ben hamashim l'etzah, ouven shmonim l'gevurah" ("At 40, one is fit for discernment; at 50, for counsel; at 80, for special strength ") (Avot 5.21). These are not isolated statements about growing old; comparable maxims fill the pages of traditional texts, aphorisms that can be utilized in formulating attitudes about growing old gracefully. The example of Sarah and Abraham's longevity and the accomplishments realized during their advanced years should provide new ways of thinking about adding meaningful life to extended years, fulfilling the Psalmist's prayer: "Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalms 90:12).