When is walking down the aisle not a wedding?

When is a wedding not a wedding? What's the difference between a wedding and a marriage?

These may sound like riddles, but they aren't. This is a serious subject that we touch on in this week's front page story.

Many of the Jewish gay and lesbian couples in the Bay Area want to call their nuptials a wedding. However, most rabbis, as well as the Jewish Bulletin, refer to it as a commitment ceremony.

At the Bulletin, we feel that until the state of California condones a gay union as a marriage, we shouldn't either. At the same time, we have declined to use the word wedding with the belief that most readers see wedding and marriage as synonymous.

Gay and lesbian Jews point out that a wedding is not a legal term in and of itself. They argue a marriage is defined legally as something between a man and a woman. But a wedding has no legal definition, and gays and lesbians therefore believe, at the very least, that they are entitled to use it.

Further, gays and lesbians note that the Jewish community is becoming more and more accepting of interfaith marriages, despite Jewish law prohibiting it. Jewish law also prohibits same-sex unions. Gays and lesbians argue that if an interfaith union is called a wedding, why shouldn't they be afforded the same privilege?

The Bulletin believes it's time that we -- the entire Jewish community as well as the Jewish press -- examine our use of language when we refer to same-sex unions.

At the very least, we should begin a discussion of the topic, especially in light of the number of Jewish gays and lesbians in the Bay Area. They make a major contribution to Jewish life here. Many belong to synagogues, they give to the federations, and they are dedicated Jews.

It is incumbent on us to hear their pleas and give them consideration.

We want to know what you think -- you the reader and you the rabbis in the Bay Area. Write to us so we can give the issue a real airing in our community.