Rex Mandel is learning about himself from the 15-year-old boy he tutors.
“I see now why I reacted in certain ways when I was his age,” said Mandel, who has been volunteering for 2-1/2 years with On the Mark at the S.F.-based Jewish Family and Children’s Services’ Parents Place.
“A lot of times we just talk about what’s happening in his life and how he feels about things. It’s an education for me.”
For Mandel, it was also a way of connecting with the Jewish community. Since becoming a mentor-tutor, he has joined Orthodox Congregation Chevra Thilim in San Francisco.
“For many years, I really hadn’t been involved in the Jewish community. I would basically go for Passover, the holidays,” the 41-year-old San Franciscan said. “I just wanted to be more Jewish because that’s who I am.”
Now in its third year, On the Mark matches volunteers with youths from 8 to 18. “Volunteers are both mentors and academic tutors,” said Rachel Prizant Kotok, volunteer coordinator for youth programs.
Volunteers attend a two-hour training session and then attend ongoing workshops where they problem-solve and listen to speakers address such topics as learning differences and red flags during adolescence.
Tutors and children initially meet at JFCS. But after the first six weeks, they can choose to meet off-site, going to the movies or perhaps taking a trip to Half Moon Bay.
Like Mandel, many of the volunteer mentor-tutors find that the children are actually teaching them.
“I’m sure that I’m getting more out of it than she is,” said Lara Schultz, a 29-year-old who tutors a 9-year-old girl in math. “It’s just exciting watching her grow.”
Loren Muhlfelder, who is studying for her teaching credential at San Francisco State, said volunteering has taught her to get beyond her 27-year-old mindset and think like the 14-year-old girl she tutors.
“When she talks about want-ing to be popular, from my perspective, that doesn’t matter once you’re out of school. I’ve had to remember what it’s like to be her age.”
Those on the other end of the relationship also experience benefits beyond the nuts-and-bolts of mastering academics.
Lida Bogopolsky, a Russian emigre with two children in the program, said they are learning American ways of interacting from their tutors.
“They’re really talking to them. In Russia, you close your mouth. I’m 42 and I still can’t open my mouth to my mom. Here, you know that your opinion is important. It’s something very special about America.”
Her son’s tutor sent her an e-mail that said, “It’s not only fun to be with Misha. I’m really learning from him.”
Bogopolsky said at first she resisted the program because her children did well in school. But then she saw they were getting much more than tutoring.
“It was conversation, discussion,” she said. “I saw my daughter become confident in many things. It was everything altogether. It was not always homework. Sometimes it was board games. Sometimes they would watch a movie together.”
Her daughter, Natasha, said her tutor is like a friend.
“She knows what I’m going through because she already went through it,” the 12-year-old said.
For 9-year-old Amy Bergstein, her tutor brings humor as well as homework help.
“I laugh every single time I’m with her. Math is easier and I’ve gotten better grades.”