A Yiddisher kop

Moishe (the father) says to his son, “I want you to marry a girl of my choice.”

The son says, “I will choose my own bride.”

Moishe says, “But the girl is Bill Gates’ daughter.”

The son answers, “Well, in that case, yes, OK.”

Moishe then approaches Bill Gates and says, “I have a husband for your daughter.”

Bill Gates answers, “But my daughter is too young to get married!”

Moishe says, “But this young man is a vice president of the World Bank.”

Bill Gates answers, “Ah, in that case, yes, OK.”

Finally, Moishe goes to see the president of the World Bank. “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice president,” he says.

The president answers, “But I already have more vice presidents than I need.”

Moishe says, “But this young man is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.”

The president answers, “Ah, in that case, yes, OK.”

And that is how successful Jews do business.


Flush idea

Sam runs into his friend Abe while out shopping, and notices that Abe has a small gift-wrapped box in his hand.

“So what have you just purchased?” Sam asks.

Abe replies, “It’s my Sarah’s birthday tomorrow. When I asked her what she wanted she said, ‘Oh, I don’t know, dear, just give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.’”

“So what did you get her?” Sam asks.

Abe replies, smiling, “A pack of cards.”



Late again

Shapiro walks into work one day at nine, half an hour late. The boss is furious. “You should have been here at 8:30!” he shouts.

“Why?” says Shapiro. “What happened at 8:30?”

From “The Big Book of Jewish Humor”


Lost wallet

Ginsberg lost his wallet at a gala fundraiser the other day. He went to the microphone and announced: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve lost my wallet with $800 in it. Whoever finds it will get a reward of $50.”

A voice from the back of the room yelled: “I’ll give 75.”