Without a ticket

David wants to get into Temple Beth Adamah on Rosh Hashanah to deliver an important message to his brother, but without a ticket, they won’t let him in.

So David pleads, “Look, I just want to give a message to my brother Morris in there.”

The man at the door says, “Sorry sir, you’ve got to have a ticket for the High Holy Days.”

David replies, “But this is important. Just let me in for one minute, then I’ll be right out.”

“Alright,” says the man at the door, “but I better not catch you praying.”


No reminders

It was Rosh Hashanah evening, and in the old Jewish neighborhood, everyone was heading to services. On his way there himself, the rabbi notices one of his neighbors — an old timer — sitting on a park bench about three blocks from the sanctuary.

“Sam. Aren’t you going to services?”

“Not this year, rabbi.”

“Why not Sam? Don’t you think you should ask God for another year of good health?”

“Rabbi. I’m 96 years old. I have a hunch that in heaven, they’ve forgotten about me. And the last thing I want to do is remind them!”

Passing fancy

Old Rabbi Mendelsohn was walking along a very narrow alley one day in Minsk when he came face to face with a rival rabbi.

The street was too narrow for the two to pass.

The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily, “I never make way for fools!”

Smiling, Rabbi Mendelsohn stepped aside and said,  “That’s OK, I always do.”


The hole story

Did you hear about Jessica, who divorced her bagel-maker husband and married a poet?

She went from batter to verse.

© david minkoff