Knock on wood
The phone rings at KGB headquarters.
“Hello, is this KGB?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbor, Yankel Rabinovitz, as an enemy of the state. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood.”
“This will be noted.”
The next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.
The phone rings at Rabinovitz’s house.
“Hello, Yankel. Did the KGB come?”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yes, they did.”
“OK, now it’s your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed.”
That blessed note
A rabbi from the Detroit suburbs who’ll be going to Israel in a week meets a couple and asks them how many children they have? “We aren’t blessed with any yet,” they say.
“Let me write down your names and place a note in the Kotel for a blessing.”
Six years later, he meets the woman again and asks, “So how is the family?”
“Well rabbi, we were blessed with 10 children — two sets of twins and two sets of triplets.”
“Ten! Amazing! Congratulations to you! And I would also like to congratulate your husband. Where is he?”
“He is in Israel,” she replies.
“What is he doing there?” the rabbi asks.
“Looking for that note you placed in the wall!”
A speedy recovery
The president of the congregation went to the hospital to visit the rabbi, who had just suffered a mild heart attack.
He says, “Rabbi, good news. The board just voted 12-8 to wish you a speedy recovery!”